As you loyal readers know, I love two things that are PG in nature, sports and movies. I feel incredibly satisfied with my sports life right now. Just as the majority of America, I am not only thrilled that the Mavericks brought back the concept of “team basketball” to the NBA, but also took a championship away from the Moheatos in the process. Dirk is a legend now, Wade’s rep is largely unchanged, and Lebron’s is the lowest its ever been. I made some serious cash (132 dollars) this series, but not even close to what LBJ’s psychologist is about to make. Everything in the NBA world is right now (please don’t lock out now!), football seems to be getting it together, and baseball is……well, its baseball. It’s slow and its an incredibly arduous task to make it through a full inning, but the Yanks are in first, the Mets are hanging on, and my fantasy team lies somewhere in between. With a European destination date, and a marathon more of baseball ahead of me, I am dually ready to say goodbye to American sports until September. Work too.
With one love on Cruz Control, it’s time to focus on the other, the art of film. By which I mean incredibly expensive blockbusters with weak dialogue that I not only still routinely spend thirteen bucks for the ticket, but another 7 on popcorn and a drink. I love that the production companies put millions of dollars into just a concept or idea, the fact that at least four production companies are needed to make one film, the endless amount previews for other summer flicks that get lazier and lazier (See chart below), and waiting the credits for a thirty second extra scene that is usually disappointing.
Summer blockbuster list and how each month gets subsequently crappier:
| Month | Notable Films | Notes |
| May | Thor – May 6 Bridesmaids – May 13 Hangover - Kung Fu Panda 2 – May 26 (Last year: Iron Man 2) | May 6 is the official summer blockbuster kick off date, then it gets slow till late May where the big guns come out. |
| June | X men – June 3 June 24 – Cars 2, Bad Teacher June 29 – Transformers 3 (last year: A team) | June is much like May, big kickoff then a lull |
| July | July 15- Harry Potter Captain America – July 22 (Last year: Inception) | July 4 is the only real money weekend of this month. Will Smith owned it for years with ID4, Men in Black,MIB2, Wild Wild West, Hancock (That can’t all be winners. However, this year July 4 happens on a Monday in which new movies won’t open. Less good movies open and they get fewer and more far between. |
| August | The Change up – August 5 Final Destination 5 – August 12 Conan The Barbarian – August 19 Spy kids 4: All the time in the world – August 26 (Last year: Land of the Lost) | August sends out whatever is left in the movie studio’s vault, it’s usually filled with movies that would have been crush had they open previous 3 months. A lot of garbage, every year. |
Summer blockbusters are the only time I will pay the grossly expensive two hours of entertainment even for if what I know I am going into is at best average. Now of course I have been disappointed by some awful movies, but at least I know going in that I will be entertained with some awesome action, laughable moments, even more laughable dialogue, and the occasional gem. Of course with every Iron Man, Jurassic Park, and Transformers, I have also sat through X men Origins: Wolverine, Ghost Rider, and Transformers 2. Love them or hate em, I remember the experience (see previous blog) and usually know what I am getting myself into. Every once in a while though, you get an Avatar though, which was so good in theaters that I went three times. For 3 out of the four months during the summer, when ironically you should want to be outside enjoying the weather, they want you to see their best products. You get the best comedies, animation, and action adventure movies they have been making the past two years. The super geeks out there will love it when they hear next year’s headlines (The Hunger Games, Batman 3, The Amazing Spiderman, Total Recall, Gi Joe 2, The Bourne Legacy, MIB 3, Expendables 2), and when I say super geeks I mean me. Can’t Summer 2012 get here already!
So for this blog, your going to get my personal take on some of the biggest blockbusters that came out summer 2011 (sigh) in the only way Foxx can give it to you….gay, I mean straight. You can find a review anywhere, so instead Ill tell you some of the lighter (and heavier?) moments of a few movies with NO SPOILERS (Mel Gibson is in Hangover 2) and how some of the plots were even too farfetched for this blog, and that’s saying a lot. We write to put our cats through potty training school here, true story.
Without further adieu, The first ever (I love saying that, yet there hasn’t been a 2nd ever of anything thus far) FOXX ADVENTURE GUSTO SPECTACULAR…or FAGS for short. Wait, what? That’s offensive? How? Ooooh, yeah that wouldn’t look right, especially when the streets are buzzing with did you read the new FAGS by that Fag whats his name. You right, in lieu of a better joke, we are going to rename it THE FOXX MOVIE BLOG ADVENTURE SPECTACULAR!!!! Try to make that an acronym, I dare ya.
My gut feelings of what is left of the summer.
Gotta see:
Transformers 3 – Did Michael Bay realize the putrid product he put out with the 2nd one (Worst CGI character since Jar Jar Binks) and tightened up the story line and characters that made the first one so enjoyable. You know the action will be there, but will the movie carry the rest. For some reason, I trust Michael Bay on this one, T3 has this Armaggedon feel to it, and we all know how that turned out.....AMAZING!
Gotta skip:
Green Lantern – One action film has to be a monumental flop every season, and this Ryan Reynolds (also played Deadpool in Wolverine Xmen Origin) driven vehicle seems to be have no chance. Not only is it coming out with a tough weekend, unfamiliar super hero, but it stars actor who is mainly known for rom coms and doesn’t seem to fit the role at all. Even the catchphrase is too long.
"In the brightest day";," In the blackest night";, no Evil shall escape my sight;,
Let those who worship evil's might;, Beware my power, GREEN LANTERNS LIGHT!
Let those who worship evil's might;, Beware my power, GREEN LANTERNS LIGHT!
Night at Zoo(Keeper)/Mr. Popper’s Penguins– Kevin James and Jim Carrey in PG movies, nuff said.
Conan The Barbarian – You just can’t recreate Arnold, not now, not ever.
Surprisingly awesome?:
Captain America – I don’t know why, but something tells me it is going to be awesome. Seems like they stayed true to the character, picked the right actor (even if he is also Johnny Flame from Fantastic 4, and yes that definitely will bother me), and an excellent villain in Hugo Weaving to play the Red Skull. It definitely has potential.
Thor
1 sentence plot: The powerful but arrogant warrior Thor is cast out of the fantastic realm of Asgard and sent to live amongst humans on Earth
My take.
Ahh Thor, the God of Thunder, definitely isn’t a masterpiece, and there are certainly some “roll your eyes” moments, but it is also easily one of the best looking Marvel movies. They do an amazing job with Thor’s home planet of Asgard, and the unintentional comedy of them calling it words “ASS GUARD” was a nice tough. As far as Marvel movies go, it ranks up there though, behind the first and second Spiderman, and Xmen 1 and Xmen first class, but it’s very entertaining, some solid acting, a touch of humor, and enjoyable plot. Unknown Chris Hemsworth is sculpted from a rock and fits the character well, and at some point Rene Russo shows up. Thor sets up very well for the Avengers movie, but misses on the villain. The lack of a real quality villain gives the second half a bit of a lull, and the actions scenes could have been a bit bigger, more grandiose and the final battle is little underwhelming. It is mostly light hearted, good old fashioned pop corn fun. You are gonna get your action, one liners, and the intro to many sequels.
Unforgettable scene: Thor fights the Frost Giants for the first time, Thor finds his hammer.
Notable Quotable: I need a horse! - Thor
Grade: B (Although 3D is not worth it and doesn’t really add anything. As usual Marvel gives a teaser at the end of the credits)
Hangover
1 sentence plot: Stu, Alan, and Doug jet to Thailand for Stu's wedding. Stu's plan for a subdued bachelor party the night before the wedding (Of course) goes seriously awry.
My take: Hangover 2, Bangkok Boogalo. The gang’s back, and that’s basically where it ends. Although H2 hits its laugh quota accurately, it is almost precisely exactly everything that happened in the first one, in the same order. If you played both Hangovers on two separate TV’s the hi-jinks might even happen at the same times. It has many laughable moments, but it also feels a bit stale and unoriginal. The actors hit their marks and have great comedic timing, but the magic seems to be missing this time. Never at one point did I not feel like I was watching a un- refreshing sequel. I did appreciate that they went bigger with Thailand, but after about 2/3rds of movie it was like, nice seeing you again guys, I have to work tomorrow. In the end, I had a few big laughs and a bunch of small chuckles, but as far as comedies ago, its about as forgettable as that faithful night in Bangkok.
Unforgettable scene: Whatever your favorite scenes were from the first one, it will just goes a bit bigger and more ridiculous.
Notable Quotable:Phil: It happened again
Tracy: How bad is it, like, no wedding bad?
Phil: A bit worse than that.
Tracy: How bad is it, like, no wedding bad?
Phil: A bit worse than that.
Grade: B
X men: First class
1 sentence plot: In 1962, Charles Xavier starts up a school and later a team, for humans with superhuman abilities. Among them is Erik Lensherr, his best friend... and future archenemy.
My take: I really enjoyed this “pre-boot” as it breathes new life into an otherwise sagging franchise, and everything seems fresh while building on the themes of the previous films while still staying highly entertaining. Although Kevin Bacon as a power hungry former Nazi trying to take over the world is at best a weak plot line, as well as not really fitting the character either, yet doesn’t totally retract from the story of the mutants becoming who they are. I really liked how they took real world situations, in this case the Cuban Missile Crisis, as a way to give the mutants a chance to show off their powers. Eric Fassbender, who plays Eric, absolutely steals the show and is the best superhero since Christian Bale. Jame McAvoy as Professor X works well, but is overshadowed by both Fassbender and a stunning January Jones. Although uneven at times as it drifts in different directions with the mutant overload, congrats to Matthew Vaughn for bringing back the franchise. It’s stylish, thrilling, eye popping, and makes up for all the garbage that we were given in the past 3 X men films.
Unforgettable scenes: The climatic final battle, Eric realizes the potential of his powers
Notable Quotable: Professor Charles Xavier: [to Eric] There's so much more to you than you know, not just pain and anger. There's good in you too, and you can harness all that. You have a power that no one can match, not even me. A new species is being born. Help me guide it, shape it... lead it.
Grade: A-
Super 8
1 sentence plot: After witnessing a mysterious train crash, a group of friends in the summer of 1979 begin noticing strange happenings going around in their small town, and begin to investigate into the creepy phenomenon.
Ending falls short of ----- Close Encounters wannane
My take: JJ Abrams does a solid, but not spectactular job with this movie, as he really captivated me with the story, but I found myself becoming less and less interested as the movie went on. The train crash that kick starts the movie is pretty awesome, and without revealing any spoilers, this “thing” begins wreaking havoc in a small time. However, the more we learn and see about this “thing” the less encapsulated I felt. The acting is great, Elle Fanning is a star in the making, the group of kids does very well, and Kyle Chandler does his usual thing. Like The Relic, the more I learned about the thing the less I wanted to know. With that said, I didn’t hate this movie, but I didn’t love it either. I thought it was a good movie made by a good director, with some really fun moments, but it’s a nice throwback to the 80’s and has a great score. It does get a bit soggy at the end though, and falls short of what it wanted to be, which is Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and the plot left me with too many unanswered questions.
Unforgettable scene: Train crash, bus crash, town scene at end
Notable Quotable: “Mint!” – Fat kid in the movie, said several times. Drove me crazy.
Grade: B-
And with that FAGS…I mean THE FOXX MOVIE BLOG ADVENTURE SPECTACULAR!!!! Comes to an end. (Tear) But Summer 2012 is right around the corner (11.5 months) and something tells me I feel a 2nd annual coming.
Random Tangent Section of the Blog:
· I’m a bit upset that the Arnold baby mama scandal and Weinergate is coming to an end. NY post had a fantastic streak of hilarious covers for the past two weeks.
· Not that I condone this type of language, but this is nothing short of brilliant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PcAQbhnGNs&feature=player_embedded
· WWE star Chyna is relaunching her porn career. Speechless. Also, relaunching? Did the first not go so well Chyna Doll?
· I’ve read some really funny tweets in the past few years, but this so far has been my runaway winner “I hate when I get stuck in traffic because Rebecca Black doesn’t know which seat to take.”
· Planking. Really? Planking? Really?
· How it took me 28 years to find this video is beyond me. “We rented out the left side of an abandoned warehouse, you have until sundown to complete this music video. And We used your special effects budget on shooting a sleeping woman, fully covered, in a bed for the last 4 seconds of the video.” Great video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LatorN4P9aA&feature=player_embedded
· Freedom is right around the corner, can’t wait! How much do I owe you Bart Scott?
Artistic photo of the blog:
(Ithaca, NY 5/27/11)
Aloha means goodbye folks
- Foxx
