I get blogged down, but I get up again!

Ain't nobody gonna keep me down! I get blogged down, but I get up again, ain't nobody gonna keep me down. Blogging the night away, Blogging the night away (and repeat)

Hello lifelong readers and A-list celebrities. Sorry I have been so blogged down, but life has been pretty crazy. Everyday busier than the last, and with no end in sight I wanted to get a few words down before another elongated absence. Let's all keep our fingers crossed and hope that Santa brings us a new blog for x-mas.

You would think that being so busy would make me a ravenous coffee drinker to keep up. Well that's true, I drink at least 2 cups a day, and thats before 12. I know, I know save the lectures at least I am not using white refined sugar. In all this time though, I haven't once ever bought a Starbucks coffee. How many people can say that? I think I am in the 10 % of America that has never once bought a starbucks, and 1% of the population of white people. I only tried a frappachino a handful of times and thats it. Well you wanna know why? Because Starbucks is evil! Ok, I don't actually have any proof of that, nor have I even google searched starbucks and evil (5 minutes later, according to angry bloggers,websites, and D&D, yes) but I have a sneaking suspicion that they truly are part of the dark side. For example, my father drank Dunkin Donuts coffee every morning for 10 years, had one cup of Starbucks and never went back. And don't give me that balony about that they use better coffee, clearly something is in the brew, and it aint the beans. I will never prove my theory, is it a theory? not really, but I will also never buy Starbucks in my life. I once asked a barista out on a date, turns out she was seventeen and had to ask her mom for permission, bad karma. Yes, I have been in many Starbucks, I never said I enjoyed it. Although I do like that they offer you Sugar in the Raw. What does it all mean? Nothing. I will however keep this streak alive until the day I die, and who knows by then I may be the 1% of the world.


Another reason that I haven't been as bloggy lately is because I am putting together a website with a few of my closest cronies. I can't tell you much else, but in 60 days we will revolutionize the internet and we will become the new Mark Zuckerbergs of the world....or just stop by our site once in a while, either works.

Continuing with my busy schedule I just got my best buddy since we were in pre-school married this weekend, in what will undoubtly go down as one of the greatest wedding of all time. Not only was it 12 hours long, but it involved 3 different meals, a band, a dj, 420 people, one hell of a best man speech (Yup, I went there). So a rabbi and a priest walk into a church....45 minutes later out walk a married couple. Break the glass, sing Ava Maria, and kiss the bride we have our 3rd married friend. I fear who may be next. And if your reading this congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Carona. Boy do the portugese know how to party.


This doesn't make me busy but I feel as if I mention this. My new cat farts...a lot. Like an unbearable amount, and not only is it silent, but its deadly. It can clear a room. She farts like a 330 lb lineman after a trip to Taco Bell, but is half the size and weight of a normal cat. If she wasn't so darn cute I would be angry, but its at the point where it is waking me up a night. Happy, nervous, excited, it doesn't matter. If cats sleep 18 hours a day, she spends the other 6 farting.  It's getting to the point where I call them as my own so she won't embarass herself in public....but maybe the leash already does that.

Quick combined Random Tangent and "Office" section of the blog:

Google map: Japan to China, and read it all the way through until you get to # 42. Then laugh.

One of my "co-workers" is trying to pull off 2 sweatshirts to work everyday, not only that but the inside one has a wool lining. Not only is he not pulling it off, but I think he may be suffering from heat stroke in winter.

Another one of my "co-workers" was inadvertantly given a new nickname. It isn't funny, memorable, or even relevant, but somehow he claims it has doubled his popularity in the "office" His nickname: Moop.

Usually after a Jet loss I get razzed by my "co-workers" but I never thought that 4 different people would say to me "Are you mad because the Jets cheated?" Not lost, but cheated.  Ouch.

Went to the Bell late night and ordered 48 tacos this weekend. Only cost me 43 dollars. Best deal in America right now. Some would call it a recession special.

(NY, NY 12/7/10)

Aloha means goodbye folks

- Foxx

Happy Blogday to me!

Frank Sintra once said “I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.” Well, On the morning of my 28^th birthday I felt horrific. In fact, I would go far as to say I took a gigantic step backwards even if my age clocked over one more year. My mind felt 24, but my body felt 34.Two showers and an early morning call from my mother I realized a few things that morning. First, you can’t fry Cheetoes. Second, apparently you can still eat Cheetoes out of a frying pan. Third, I would have to do laundry at some point that day, and lastly, I watch Macgruber way too much. In my life, much like my blog, I like to wing it, but lets be clear "there's a big difference between winging it and seeing what happens. Now let's see what happens.”

November 21 is a tough birthday to have, many of you probably know it as The Kid, Ken Griffey Jrs. bday, but for me it will always be the day that Tom Robinson was falsely accused of a crime he did not commit.

I can’t sufficiently recap my birthday celebration so I will list in order clues of what may or may not have happened, and you can fill in the blanks.

November 20, 2010 10:30 PM Eastern Standard Time

Champagne party

Chicken Bus

6 30s + 2 bottles of Stoli

My parents

A mini skirt

Derek Selby

A rocking horse

A drum + Maracas

40 cheeseburgers

A Marine

A Burger race (10 won it)

Hulk Hogan Impressions (with shirt rip + all)

Male Kiss

La Bamba

Accidental (or was it?) Boob grabs

Cody + Simon (with normal name screw up)

A homeless man

Vomit

A piano

Frying pan

Cheetoes

Macgruber

November 21, 2010 3:30 AM Eastern Standard Time

As awful as I felt when I woke up on my birthday however, I couldn’t have asked for a better sports birthday to brighten my day. The Jets pulled out a miracle 30-27 win in a room full of Giant fans that became jet fans for the day. You already won my heart Sanchize, and yesterday, I think you won theirs too. Heck, they were doing the Dougie! Everything went right, except for my ability to function in society,  in sports that day. Undefeated in every fantasy league, the best Jets victory I could ever ask for, and the most surprising of all of them, I  won money gambling. And I’m a guy who likes to play the ponies. Everything was going right, I was even given the last piece of stuffing at the mock-thanksgiving, and then in the heat of the moment I texted Jon Silva. You don’t have to know him to know other than these few facts:

Silva facts:

Great Kid

Rabid Jets fan

Even more rabid texter

I love Jon Silva as much as much the next guy, but 56 text messages later, a change of my text message plan, and learning about his dinner plans (He makes “fucking amazing meatballs by the way”) I can honestly say that this is as close as I will ever come to Sexting to my life….he even picture messaged me.  

Jon if you’re reading this: “Don’t stop texting, and never stop texting. That is what gives us hope, this is what keeps us alive.”

One last note about the bday, I set a personal record this birthday wishes this year on facebook. I am not sure if it’s the power facebook or the power of the blog but thank you all for giving me your 13 letters and a click.

Notes from the “Office”:

Its been a slow one recently, too many comedy goalies playing the field, but here is one tidbit that had me rolling.

After hearing the worst rap I have ever heard in my life from a “co-worker” this is the conversation I had with him.

Me: So you like rapping?

Snoop Dogg: Yeah man, I got that flow

Me: You do know that was quite possibly the biggest insult to the African American population since slavery There was no rhyme, flow, beat, rhythm, or melody. Nothing.

Snoop: Hey man, Its hard to rap with braces on

Me: Yeah, I don’t think that was the problem.  What do you rap about mostly?

Snoop: Percy Jackson, The Lightening Thief, duh.

Me: Please stop

A week later a video was created and if it didn’t get me fired it would be on this blog. All I can say is that the rap starts with “Percy Jackson…(pause to remember the words)…..cool guy…..(pause again)…..Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoooooaaaaa while using the spine of the book to create a beat. This goes on for a full seven minutes. It is quite possibly the worst form of music ever created, of course that didn’t stop me from dying and giving an A on his latest “worker” evaluation

This will be a Random Tangent Free blog….ok just one

I’ve seen some weird eating habits, vanilla ice cream with bbq chips, ketchup on nacho cheese Doritos, and Peanut butter and mayo sandwiches, but by far the weirdest I have ever seen was this. Green apple covered in…..wait for it….covered in…..salt. Not just a sprinkle either, a heavy dose of it. Needless to say I was intrigued….and now I am not. Don’t do it.

Artistic Picture of the blog

                                                (Central Park, NYC, 11/20/2010)

Next Foxx tackles Lousiana….FAST!

Aloha means goodbye.

-       Foxx

Hollyblog

When you write a blog as popular as mine naturally you expect to get invited to movie premieres. Picture this, a room of six hundred plus people in the Ziefild Theatre in New York on Tuesday. Gearing up for the new Russell Crowe Flick “ The Next Three Days”. Some of the most popular celebs in Hollywood filled the theatre in anticipation of the next great Paul Haggis* film. Great theatre by the way, absolutely stunning in both architectural creativity and lay out(Here’s looking at you Ted) as well as a deluxe screen single theater that has been fully operational since ’66. Sick.

List of celebs that were at the Ziegfeld premiere:

Olivia Wilde

Elizabeth Banks

Russel Crowe

Adrien Brody

Gerard Butler

Wu Tang Clan

Kim Catrell

Foxx Lang

One celeb was left off however, the one that the lights shined on the  brightest, yes your guess was correct, it was indeed MARK SANCHEZ. THE MARK SANCHEZ, again THE MARK SANCHEZ. Where did he choose to sit? one row away from me. You see, when you write a blog celebs flock to you, I had to AX the paparazzi just to get through the door. So here we are, the quarterback of the 5 and 2 New York Jets and the quarterback of a highly successful blog (see above) and a staff of 94. Seeing the same movie, by choice!!! Listen we both clearly had better things to do, he probably had to finish some work, cook dinner, and play with his cat for 4 hours. On the other hand I gave up a free meal at a 5 star restaurant with a few of my various models and a luxury charity event. Fates brought us this close, but alas, not close enough, although he did turn his head when I screamed “Sanchez!! All the way!!!” I never did get that kiss…I mean hug…I mean handshake, yeah handshake. Instead I shook the director Paul Haggis’ hand, which would have meant a lot more to me if it wasn’t before the movie and I thought it was Brian Grazer. That didn’t stop me from telling everyone at work “Who wants to touch the hand that touched the hand that may have touched Mark Sanchez’s hand?” Side note: This unwashed hand killed it at work today.

Note to self: Never travel without a camera again

I must mention that this about the movie. It was awesome! I mean really awesome, and I had no expectation and didn’t even know what I was getting myself into. Crowe is amazing, the cast is superb and deep, the direction and pace is near flawless. It is not a perfect movie, but my hat is off to you Mr. Haggis. Even with the girl next to me spending the entire time on her blackberry I was still fully encapsulated. I also recommend that you go into it without knowing anything about it, it is one of those movies that rewards you for not reading the review. With that said, maybe I am not the most reliable source as you can see from the graph below.

Percentage of time spent watching the movie: 3%

Percentage of time spent watching Mark Sanchez: 97%

Percentage of time Mark Sanchez spent watching the movie 97%

Percentage of time Mark Sanchez spent checking out hot girls: 2%

Percentage of time Mark Sanchez spent checking out me: 1% (please, I beg of you, just go with it)

The Next Three Days, great movie, I really recommend seeing it in a theater too. Between this and The Town it isn’t close, it is so far superior, and people love that movie.

*Per IMDB: Paul Haggis is the award-winning filmmaker who, in 2006, became the first screenwriter to write two Best Film Oscar winners back-to-back - "Million Dollar Baby" (2004) directed by Clint Eastwood, and "Crash" (2005) which he himself directed.

So I know these two guys, known them for many years, have hung out with them for many years, even lived near each other growing up, good guys. However, for some reason, I can’t seem to tell them apart, even though they look nothing alike (so people say). Well, on Halloween it finally hit a breaking point, and I found myself writing this email a few days later.

Dear Cody and Simon,
               I think you are both very cool, and I like hanging out with you, with that said I can't get your names right for the life of me. I blame myself. I don't know why this is, but I just screw it up every single freaking time. So before you give up on me for life I want to apologize and promise you that in future whatever name I'm gonna say I'm just going to say the opposite and hope for the best. I'm better than that, and I know it. Don’t give up on me! And Forward to Simon…unless you are him, then do the opposite. Don't worry guys, senor Lang is on the case!
 
                                                                                                      - Foxx

And the response:

Foxx,
 
You never mess up my name. I think its cause you call us both Cody.  One more chance
 
Simon

We’ve never been closer.

-   Cody

My sister has started sending me daily quizzes. I am 0 for 2.                                               _____________________________________________________________________________

Notes from the “Office”:

Not much this week, but a “co-worker” of mine has recently begun reading To Kill a Mockingbird for the first time and here is what he wrote to me the other day.

Tkmb is a very weird book. It is challenging for the mind. Also I thought it was about a real bird and how to kill it. Needless to say, I was have made no progress killing birds.

Yup, these are my co-workers.                                                                                                    _____________________________________________________________________________

Random Tangent Section of the blog:

-   Don’t ask me how I stumbled on this but I found a website that is essentially a message board for athletes multiple girlfriends. Al Harrington has like 7 girlfriends, maybe that’s why they call him BUCKETS.

      http://www.talk-sports.net/

-    Nets center Johan Petro is averaging a mere 0.8 points and 2.2 rebounds this season. New Jersey inexplicably gave the veteran a three-year, $10 million contract in July. Way to play to your contract Johan! Keep the name proud.

-   Became a coach the other night. Joined a dynasty, actually I don’t even know what our team name is now that I think about it, but I do know that I am getting paid $250 bucks and have to cut 30 into 18. Yikes. Maybe that’s why Andy Reid is so fat…he has all that cash!!!

-   IM really happy to have Nelly back. That song is gonna be my wedding song…but maybe I should listen to the lyrics a little more closely and not just the sick chorus.

-   I still listen to country grammar….and admit it, you do too

 
- “ I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
    Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
    Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
    So I travel back, down that road.
    Who she come back? No one knows.
    I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream”

I don’t know what Nelly was thinking about, but I know that I was thinking about POW POW Powerwheels. Never got a chance to have one when I was a kid, but really really wished I did, for once, I’m gonna dream small.

Artistic Picture of the Blog:

Aloha Means Goodbye:

-   Foxx

I'm Too Sexy for This Blog....

Ironic part, I never found Fred all that sexy, in fact he kinda looked like a roided out molester. The 80’s were a crazy time, filled with coke, synthesizers, and glam rock, but even though I am produce of the nineties I have to assume that Right Said Fred came to the conclusion on how to name his soon to be superstardom based on the following conversation:

 “So you want me to copy this conversation” asked the band manager.
“Right.” Said Fred.

“And what is the purpose?”

“Well” said Fred. “Clearly I am too sexy for shirt….and my jeans, and Milan and so on.” “And your point?” asked the band manager.

“DEVO is already taken. We need a name that will bring my sex appeal to a new level.”

“And how are we going to do that?”

“By having this conversation” shouted Fred.

“So you want me to read everything we just talked about back to you.”

“Right.” Said Fred.

A few minutes later.

“Ya know, I think we may have a name here” said Fred.

Worst. Intro. Ever.

I’d first like to welcome some of the newcomers to my blog. Being the international superstar that I am, and when I say “international” I mean that I’ve blogged from somewhere outside of the US, I want you the reader to know that I wrote this blog specifically for you. If when you finish you decide that you didn’t like it or its not for you, go back and read the previous blog, and the previous one before that and so on, until you find one that suits your fancy. That or you read them all in which case I know you will be hooked by the time you finish. Like the sore that you just can’t stop picking at, I’m infectious. Like Bird Flu, I’m contagious. And finally, like Bill and Ted, I am clearly bodacious.

You can find me on Twitter @Foxxlang, or if you are a Facebook friend check my status for blog updates. A new blog comes out once a week, usually on Thursdays or Fridays. I feel it is necessary though to mention some specific disclaimers, especially for the newbies.

Foxx Lang Disclaimer:

Although I spend a considerable amount of time blogging about my job know that it is always tongue in cheek. I do not hate my job, my profession or the people that I work with. My “coworkers” are not actually my coworkers, and my actual coworkers are all very professional as is the atmosphere that I work in. I will never tell you specifically what my job is, nor where I work or who I work with. All the names used are completely fictional, and although the stories may not be, I do enjoy what I do immensely. This blog is not a shot at them whatsoever, but rather a humorous attempt to recreate some of my favorite stories. I have a great boss who does his or her best to make sure that it is a positive environment to be a part of. Everything that I write about outside of work is complete fact, and I hope just as enjoyable to read. In words of internet memes though, I am sure this blog will result in one thing, an EPIC FAIL.

Still interested, you better be, I already sent a virus to your computer to automatically make this your  homepage. I’m kidding, I’m kidding, I am not kidding.

I also have a travel blog that I write when I am on the road: www.foxxtacklestheglobe.blogspot.com

During the 2 plus months a year that I am away I write under that forum.

With basketball season just tipping off I figured this would be the perfect time to put together an All Time Beard team. Taking the best beards in history, and with indepth statistically and analytical analysis came up with a bearded squad that would go 73-9.

Center: Bluto – Great Beard, gets paid in Hamburgers, brute force in the middle, but questionable work ethic.

Power Forward: Crazy Joaquin Phoenix. I don’t see a dominant presence on the court, but beard was way to good to leave him off. Also gives us a great chance to smuggle drugs, illegal immigrants and left over food to road games; Just don’t let Honest Abe find out

Small Forward: Brian Wilson during the playoffs. Normally I wouldn’t use someone who rocks a playoff beard, but he looks like someone took a Wooly Willie and moved it onto his face.

Shooting Guard: Baron Davis. The only actual NBAer on the roster, he has a beard that just won’t quit…and a game that does.

Point Guard: Kyle Orton – Nobody does the Neck Beard better, spreads the ball around to everyone in a surprisingly efficient manner. Most importantly he reads this blog(maybe) so I couldn’t leave him off.

Bench:

David Wells (more of a goatee) a natural back up to Bluto, they even look alike.

Guy in the park: See below

ZZ Top – Occupies two bench spots but best LEGS in the game. For longevity reasons they have to be included…spinning guitars and all.

Josh Koretsky – many of you don’t know this “Nerd with friends” but he once rocked a half beard like none other and deserves to be the last man on the bench.

Coach: Abe Lincoln. A natural choice to lead this team, also the first original neckbeard. Unfortunatly receives heavy fines for refusal to remove his hat.

Suspended: Braylon Edwards for cutting off his beard.

Honorable mention: James Harden. All NBA Beard, but who the hell is James Harden?

Whats worse than being ICED? Being AXED. What is being AXED you ask? Well if you know anything about icing your bro, then you know that Smirnoff Ice is excruciatingly  disgusting when warm, and that has become our national pastime. AXING however has not….yet.  AXING someone is one when you corner your buddy and spray the living hell out of him. If you know anything about AXE, than you know that the smell is very strong and distinct, lingers, and overall pretty gross when used incorrectly.  I tried this out this weekend and fired off an entire can on a buddy of mine, when the fists finally stopped swinging he smelled worse than…well, a can of AXE. Imagine a can of cheap cologne being poured all over you, and being in a public place smelling like a 7^th grade boy before his first dance. Yes, people may stare at you when you bombard your buddy with what looks and smells like bug spray, but I promise you its worth it.

Start the AX revolution people…but keep your guard up.

And if you see Ace Ventura on Halloween night, definitely run.

Notes from the “Office”

Is it possible that one of my coworker’s sons has Herpes before he hit puberty?   I want to say no, but my gut say yes.

The following took place in a meeting

“Why is 2014 such a big deal?”

Everyone in unison:
The staff:  “That is when the state changes the standards.”

What I said: “The apocalypse?”

Still think I said the right answer.

We have a crazy “co-worker,” below is a transcript of when I saw her say throughout the work day.

8:58 AM – munches on Bacon, Egg and Cheese while singing Gaga

10:44 AM – “I love you guys!!! You are my best friends!!!”

11:50 AM – “F*ck You!!! You Piano carrying N*gga!”

12: 32 PM – Sings the Friends theme song
1:10 Pm – “ You Tight, You tight, You tight” to a glass door.

2:26 PM – “ I hate you guys! I never want to see you again! I hate all of you!”

3:17 PM – “What a great day!”

A “Coworker” of mine came into work wearing a football jersey that was at least 5 times to big on him. Picture a quad XL on Buckwheat, and you would still be off, it might as well have been considered a dress. When I asked him whose jersey he was wearing his response was “My Moms.” She must have been one hell of a lineman!

Random tangent section of the blog:

-Since u won't be watching the World Series this year, check out Casey at the Bat by Ernest Thayer. It is Just an absolutely fantastic baseball poem with a solid rhyme scheme to boot.

-I know it’s a little late, but my favorite moment from week 7 in the NFL was Clay Matthews ripping his helmet off like an animal mid play for no other reason than that he was on steroids.

-The Situations book comes out November 2, as many of you know nobody loves Sitcho more than me, but his last 3 episodes of the season cost him my purchase.

-If you’re hankering for an intelligent read though, check out “The Rookie” by Scott Sigler.  Per NYTimes:

At first glance, "The Rookie" is an unlikely mad-scientist mashup: Football ... science fiction ... organized crime ... interstellar travel ... and a hero so flawed and bigoted, you'd probably cross the street if you heard him talking. This novel simply can't work, right? The genres and themes are too far-flung. It should be a mess.  It's not. It's a masterpiece of action, drama, and resonant human emotion

 

-As if Taco Bell couldn’t become anymore amazing, they doubled the size of the chalupa and put MO and Braces in the commercial. The words on the page can not capture my excitement so I AM GONNA FINISH THIS BY WRITING IN ALL CAPS!!!

--While in the park I saw a guy wearing a Chicago bulls Dennis Rodman away jersey, drinking a Mountain Dew right from a 2 liter bottle, rocking 93 Jordans, with a red Jew-Fro to match his big bug glasses and thick beard. It was like Big Easy from the real world and Mike Rappaport had a kid. Only in New York City kids, only in NYC.

I think I’m too old to still be failing tests.

Artistic photo of the blog (sorta):

                                                        (Split, Croatia, 7/29/10)

Aloha means goodbye

- Foxx

I kissed a blog....and I liked it.

Gonna start this week’s blog in a bit of a different direction. Scroll halfway down if you want to go straight to “Notes from the workplace” for the normal lunacy.

“No matter how hard it rains, withstand DA pain” – DMX.

It took the better part of ninth grade, but by the beginning of 10^th grade I had made a homemade poster of that quote to remind me that “When it rains, it pours” and that if  DMX can withstand it, so could I. I am pretty sure that I added DA when it should really have been THE, but I was 16, wore my visor backwards, and once saw DMX at a Westchester gas station so I felt that I had earned the right to use slang. For 3 years I left that horrible homemade saying on my wall, always a reminder of better times ahead when I was down.

How that poster influenced my life:

# of years spent hanging in my room before I eventually took it down – 4

# of times I was made fun of for hanging it – 72

# of rap cds I subsequently bought because of it – 8

# of DMX albums I bought because of it - 0

# of times I got laid because of that poster – 0

# of times that I would have got laid if that poster wasn’t there – 0

# of times that I thought it was some awe inspiring quote - 0

# of times that I honestly believed it though – once

The point is that I had a lot of moments in high school and beyond that didn’t go according to plan, but something compelled me to keep it up. Then I got suspended my senior year, although it wasn’t the first, and certainly not the last, it was the first time that I truly disappointed my mother. It was the first one that actually made an impact. Because of my suspension I was unable to play in my homecoming football game and by doing so my mother who came to every single game of mine for 4 years would not be able to walk her son onto the field which was a tradition. Needless to say that was a huge deal for her. Besides being my best sport and a captain, it was also the only time she would have enjoyed watching football for the last 6 years. I was young, I was stupid, and I deserved it, but my mother didn’t.  My mother didn’t get very many moments to be proud of me in high school, and this was the one that she really wanted. She cried for days, and  I truly don’t think she has ever forgiven me. I didn’t realize it then, but that moment had so much more than just a game to her, and I robbed her of it by being immature. The entire situation ruined me, and I sat in my room and stared at that poster for hours; trying to make sense of it all. When the dust finally had settled I realized two things.

1) I had robbed my mother of the only football related activity that she ever really supported, and she would never forgive me. Something that she had waited and anticipated for years. (Mom, I am truly sorry I couldn't have given you that moment) Truth be told, I have never really forgiven myself either.

2) If I could overcome this obstacle, another one would probably arise, and there was nothing I could do about it, but weather the storm (sorry, I know, horrible pun, I couldn't help it).

The sun came back out, my mother forgave me, and eventually most of the pain finally faded away. The next year I played football in college and got my homecoming game memory back, but my mother never did. That’s something that I will have to live with, and you know what, I have. When I think about that memory, and that ridiculous quote, and know that even though my world was crashing down at that moment, I never let it completely consume me. Why am I saying all this? because right now its raining, both literally and figuratively in my life.

Ways that it is figuratively raining:

1)      I have 2 weeks to find an apartment and have no leads

2)      I have less than 8 weeks to finish 10 weeks of work.

3)      I have diarrhea

4)      My workplace has recently been labeled “The Titanic” post iceberg  

5)      I am 10 minutes from taking a midterm for a class that I literally couldn’t tell you the name of

6)      Metro-cards recently raised 7 dollars a week for me, thus busting my already very slim budget

7)      My fantasy team is in the toilet. (Not a dire problem, but I only include this bc its less about fantasy and more about the pride of beating your closest friends….that and I’m uber-competitive)

Ways that it is literally raining:

1)      Precipitation is falling from the sky steadily

Am I stressed? Maybe a little, but I know everything will work out. Do I know this for sure? Nope. Do I have a plan to make it stop raining? Nope. But what I do know is this; there is a reason why I remembered my homemade poster from high school. My life might be a disaster of bad luck right now, but it will get better. I know this, and I hope next time you go through the same thing you remember your “High school poster” and get through whatever ails you.

Thanks for listening, I already feel better, that was cathartic.

Notes from “The Workplace”

-          One “coworker” of mine illegally sells Coke, (shame on you for immediately thinking the drug) at school. He sells cans for a dollar a pop, and makes 22 dollars profit for every 36 cans he buys. It has become such a successful business that he has kept tabs for people. I want to reprimand him for breaking multiple “workplace” rules but honestly, I’m impressed. When I “worked” with him he was a D "worker" who could barely count. Now he has a full fledged business working out of his gym bag. Ethically and morally it may be wrong, but business wise it’s pretty amazing. In times like these how many companies can say that their profit margin is 66% of what they spend? (Not exactly a mathematician people)

-          You know your popular when your “coworkers” are using you as their facebook status

-          You know your going to get fired when your “coworkers” are using you as their facebook status

-          “You look very gay when you prance around the room after the Jets win and slap peoples hands…but its really cute” – what a male “coworker” said to me Tuesday morning. (To my credit, it was a big win)

-Conversation I had with a “coworker” on Facebook

Boy George: Accept me plz

Me: You wish.
Boy George: plzzzzzz

Me: No chance

Boy George: i swear i wont stalk you

Me: You already are.

Boy George: I was looking to see if u had a face book and it was true so I  hope u will be a good person and add me

Me: Go find (another coworkers name)

Boy George: eughhhhhhhh no way I very much dis like her because keern slaped me once so i hit him and scince she lllllllooooooooooovvvvvvvveeeeessss keern i get blamed for self defence

Me: Sounds like it was your fault. Your spelling and grammar are atrocious by the way,

Boy George: well if u havent notice on top of ur screen it says facebook.com

Me: Did you notice that the top of your screen it also says “spell check”?

Boy George: Rami says hi…..so….exept my friend request

Me: No

Boy George: Get an xbox then

Me: I think we’re done here.

Yup, these are my co-workers.

Random tangent section of the blog:

- My fantasy loss/Jets win streak continues….and if this truly is fate I couldn’t be happier. At this pace the Jets will have a first round bye and home field advantage through the playoffs, and Ill be gay prancing on a daily basis.

- I once played telephone when I was a kid. I was drinking milk at the time. I heard my whispered word, took a hardy gulp of my drink, and whispered the answer to my father….before I swallowed.

-          One of these days I am going to get hit by a car while I am on my bike. I can just sense it coming, yet I haven’t become anymore cautious though.

-          A lot of people have asked me what Halloween costume will be? Well, “That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.”

-           Poster I wished I owned as a youth

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- Poster I wish I owned as an adult (honestly, look at those kids!!!)

Lang’s Look alike of the week:

Tom Green                                              Kyle Orton

Artistic photo of the blog:

Aloha means goodbye

- Foxx