I'm Too Sexy for This Blog....

Ironic part, I never found Fred all that sexy, in fact he kinda looked like a roided out molester. The 80’s were a crazy time, filled with coke, synthesizers, and glam rock, but even though I am produce of the nineties I have to assume that Right Said Fred came to the conclusion on how to name his soon to be superstardom based on the following conversation:

 “So you want me to copy this conversation” asked the band manager.
“Right.” Said Fred.

“And what is the purpose?”

“Well” said Fred. “Clearly I am too sexy for shirt….and my jeans, and Milan and so on.” “And your point?” asked the band manager.

“DEVO is already taken. We need a name that will bring my sex appeal to a new level.”

“And how are we going to do that?”

“By having this conversation” shouted Fred.

“So you want me to read everything we just talked about back to you.”

“Right.” Said Fred.

A few minutes later.

“Ya know, I think we may have a name here” said Fred.

Worst. Intro. Ever.

I’d first like to welcome some of the newcomers to my blog. Being the international superstar that I am, and when I say “international” I mean that I’ve blogged from somewhere outside of the US, I want you the reader to know that I wrote this blog specifically for you. If when you finish you decide that you didn’t like it or its not for you, go back and read the previous blog, and the previous one before that and so on, until you find one that suits your fancy. That or you read them all in which case I know you will be hooked by the time you finish. Like the sore that you just can’t stop picking at, I’m infectious. Like Bird Flu, I’m contagious. And finally, like Bill and Ted, I am clearly bodacious.

You can find me on Twitter @Foxxlang, or if you are a Facebook friend check my status for blog updates. A new blog comes out once a week, usually on Thursdays or Fridays. I feel it is necessary though to mention some specific disclaimers, especially for the newbies.

Foxx Lang Disclaimer:

Although I spend a considerable amount of time blogging about my job know that it is always tongue in cheek. I do not hate my job, my profession or the people that I work with. My “coworkers” are not actually my coworkers, and my actual coworkers are all very professional as is the atmosphere that I work in. I will never tell you specifically what my job is, nor where I work or who I work with. All the names used are completely fictional, and although the stories may not be, I do enjoy what I do immensely. This blog is not a shot at them whatsoever, but rather a humorous attempt to recreate some of my favorite stories. I have a great boss who does his or her best to make sure that it is a positive environment to be a part of. Everything that I write about outside of work is complete fact, and I hope just as enjoyable to read. In words of internet memes though, I am sure this blog will result in one thing, an EPIC FAIL.

Still interested, you better be, I already sent a virus to your computer to automatically make this your  homepage. I’m kidding, I’m kidding, I am not kidding.

I also have a travel blog that I write when I am on the road: www.foxxtacklestheglobe.blogspot.com

During the 2 plus months a year that I am away I write under that forum.

With basketball season just tipping off I figured this would be the perfect time to put together an All Time Beard team. Taking the best beards in history, and with indepth statistically and analytical analysis came up with a bearded squad that would go 73-9.

Center: Bluto – Great Beard, gets paid in Hamburgers, brute force in the middle, but questionable work ethic.

Power Forward: Crazy Joaquin Phoenix. I don’t see a dominant presence on the court, but beard was way to good to leave him off. Also gives us a great chance to smuggle drugs, illegal immigrants and left over food to road games; Just don’t let Honest Abe find out

Small Forward: Brian Wilson during the playoffs. Normally I wouldn’t use someone who rocks a playoff beard, but he looks like someone took a Wooly Willie and moved it onto his face.

Shooting Guard: Baron Davis. The only actual NBAer on the roster, he has a beard that just won’t quit…and a game that does.

Point Guard: Kyle Orton – Nobody does the Neck Beard better, spreads the ball around to everyone in a surprisingly efficient manner. Most importantly he reads this blog(maybe) so I couldn’t leave him off.

Bench:

David Wells (more of a goatee) a natural back up to Bluto, they even look alike.

Guy in the park: See below

ZZ Top – Occupies two bench spots but best LEGS in the game. For longevity reasons they have to be included…spinning guitars and all.

Josh Koretsky – many of you don’t know this “Nerd with friends” but he once rocked a half beard like none other and deserves to be the last man on the bench.

Coach: Abe Lincoln. A natural choice to lead this team, also the first original neckbeard. Unfortunatly receives heavy fines for refusal to remove his hat.

Suspended: Braylon Edwards for cutting off his beard.

Honorable mention: James Harden. All NBA Beard, but who the hell is James Harden?

Whats worse than being ICED? Being AXED. What is being AXED you ask? Well if you know anything about icing your bro, then you know that Smirnoff Ice is excruciatingly  disgusting when warm, and that has become our national pastime. AXING however has not….yet.  AXING someone is one when you corner your buddy and spray the living hell out of him. If you know anything about AXE, than you know that the smell is very strong and distinct, lingers, and overall pretty gross when used incorrectly.  I tried this out this weekend and fired off an entire can on a buddy of mine, when the fists finally stopped swinging he smelled worse than…well, a can of AXE. Imagine a can of cheap cologne being poured all over you, and being in a public place smelling like a 7^th grade boy before his first dance. Yes, people may stare at you when you bombard your buddy with what looks and smells like bug spray, but I promise you its worth it.

Start the AX revolution people…but keep your guard up.

And if you see Ace Ventura on Halloween night, definitely run.

Notes from the “Office”

Is it possible that one of my coworker’s sons has Herpes before he hit puberty?   I want to say no, but my gut say yes.

The following took place in a meeting

“Why is 2014 such a big deal?”

Everyone in unison:
The staff:  “That is when the state changes the standards.”

What I said: “The apocalypse?”

Still think I said the right answer.

We have a crazy “co-worker,” below is a transcript of when I saw her say throughout the work day.

8:58 AM – munches on Bacon, Egg and Cheese while singing Gaga

10:44 AM – “I love you guys!!! You are my best friends!!!”

11:50 AM – “F*ck You!!! You Piano carrying N*gga!”

12: 32 PM – Sings the Friends theme song
1:10 Pm – “ You Tight, You tight, You tight” to a glass door.

2:26 PM – “ I hate you guys! I never want to see you again! I hate all of you!”

3:17 PM – “What a great day!”

A “Coworker” of mine came into work wearing a football jersey that was at least 5 times to big on him. Picture a quad XL on Buckwheat, and you would still be off, it might as well have been considered a dress. When I asked him whose jersey he was wearing his response was “My Moms.” She must have been one hell of a lineman!

Random tangent section of the blog:

-Since u won't be watching the World Series this year, check out Casey at the Bat by Ernest Thayer. It is Just an absolutely fantastic baseball poem with a solid rhyme scheme to boot.

-I know it’s a little late, but my favorite moment from week 7 in the NFL was Clay Matthews ripping his helmet off like an animal mid play for no other reason than that he was on steroids.

-The Situations book comes out November 2, as many of you know nobody loves Sitcho more than me, but his last 3 episodes of the season cost him my purchase.

-If you’re hankering for an intelligent read though, check out “The Rookie” by Scott Sigler.  Per NYTimes:

At first glance, "The Rookie" is an unlikely mad-scientist mashup: Football ... science fiction ... organized crime ... interstellar travel ... and a hero so flawed and bigoted, you'd probably cross the street if you heard him talking. This novel simply can't work, right? The genres and themes are too far-flung. It should be a mess.  It's not. It's a masterpiece of action, drama, and resonant human emotion

 

-As if Taco Bell couldn’t become anymore amazing, they doubled the size of the chalupa and put MO and Braces in the commercial. The words on the page can not capture my excitement so I AM GONNA FINISH THIS BY WRITING IN ALL CAPS!!!

--While in the park I saw a guy wearing a Chicago bulls Dennis Rodman away jersey, drinking a Mountain Dew right from a 2 liter bottle, rocking 93 Jordans, with a red Jew-Fro to match his big bug glasses and thick beard. It was like Big Easy from the real world and Mike Rappaport had a kid. Only in New York City kids, only in NYC.

I think I’m too old to still be failing tests.

Artistic photo of the blog (sorta):

                                                        (Split, Croatia, 7/29/10)

Aloha means goodbye

- Foxx

I kissed a blog....and I liked it.

Gonna start this week’s blog in a bit of a different direction. Scroll halfway down if you want to go straight to “Notes from the workplace” for the normal lunacy.

“No matter how hard it rains, withstand DA pain” – DMX.

It took the better part of ninth grade, but by the beginning of 10^th grade I had made a homemade poster of that quote to remind me that “When it rains, it pours” and that if  DMX can withstand it, so could I. I am pretty sure that I added DA when it should really have been THE, but I was 16, wore my visor backwards, and once saw DMX at a Westchester gas station so I felt that I had earned the right to use slang. For 3 years I left that horrible homemade saying on my wall, always a reminder of better times ahead when I was down.

How that poster influenced my life:

# of years spent hanging in my room before I eventually took it down – 4

# of times I was made fun of for hanging it – 72

# of rap cds I subsequently bought because of it – 8

# of DMX albums I bought because of it - 0

# of times I got laid because of that poster – 0

# of times that I would have got laid if that poster wasn’t there – 0

# of times that I thought it was some awe inspiring quote - 0

# of times that I honestly believed it though – once

The point is that I had a lot of moments in high school and beyond that didn’t go according to plan, but something compelled me to keep it up. Then I got suspended my senior year, although it wasn’t the first, and certainly not the last, it was the first time that I truly disappointed my mother. It was the first one that actually made an impact. Because of my suspension I was unable to play in my homecoming football game and by doing so my mother who came to every single game of mine for 4 years would not be able to walk her son onto the field which was a tradition. Needless to say that was a huge deal for her. Besides being my best sport and a captain, it was also the only time she would have enjoyed watching football for the last 6 years. I was young, I was stupid, and I deserved it, but my mother didn’t.  My mother didn’t get very many moments to be proud of me in high school, and this was the one that she really wanted. She cried for days, and  I truly don’t think she has ever forgiven me. I didn’t realize it then, but that moment had so much more than just a game to her, and I robbed her of it by being immature. The entire situation ruined me, and I sat in my room and stared at that poster for hours; trying to make sense of it all. When the dust finally had settled I realized two things.

1) I had robbed my mother of the only football related activity that she ever really supported, and she would never forgive me. Something that she had waited and anticipated for years. (Mom, I am truly sorry I couldn't have given you that moment) Truth be told, I have never really forgiven myself either.

2) If I could overcome this obstacle, another one would probably arise, and there was nothing I could do about it, but weather the storm (sorry, I know, horrible pun, I couldn't help it).

The sun came back out, my mother forgave me, and eventually most of the pain finally faded away. The next year I played football in college and got my homecoming game memory back, but my mother never did. That’s something that I will have to live with, and you know what, I have. When I think about that memory, and that ridiculous quote, and know that even though my world was crashing down at that moment, I never let it completely consume me. Why am I saying all this? because right now its raining, both literally and figuratively in my life.

Ways that it is figuratively raining:

1)      I have 2 weeks to find an apartment and have no leads

2)      I have less than 8 weeks to finish 10 weeks of work.

3)      I have diarrhea

4)      My workplace has recently been labeled “The Titanic” post iceberg  

5)      I am 10 minutes from taking a midterm for a class that I literally couldn’t tell you the name of

6)      Metro-cards recently raised 7 dollars a week for me, thus busting my already very slim budget

7)      My fantasy team is in the toilet. (Not a dire problem, but I only include this bc its less about fantasy and more about the pride of beating your closest friends….that and I’m uber-competitive)

Ways that it is literally raining:

1)      Precipitation is falling from the sky steadily

Am I stressed? Maybe a little, but I know everything will work out. Do I know this for sure? Nope. Do I have a plan to make it stop raining? Nope. But what I do know is this; there is a reason why I remembered my homemade poster from high school. My life might be a disaster of bad luck right now, but it will get better. I know this, and I hope next time you go through the same thing you remember your “High school poster” and get through whatever ails you.

Thanks for listening, I already feel better, that was cathartic.

Notes from “The Workplace”

-          One “coworker” of mine illegally sells Coke, (shame on you for immediately thinking the drug) at school. He sells cans for a dollar a pop, and makes 22 dollars profit for every 36 cans he buys. It has become such a successful business that he has kept tabs for people. I want to reprimand him for breaking multiple “workplace” rules but honestly, I’m impressed. When I “worked” with him he was a D "worker" who could barely count. Now he has a full fledged business working out of his gym bag. Ethically and morally it may be wrong, but business wise it’s pretty amazing. In times like these how many companies can say that their profit margin is 66% of what they spend? (Not exactly a mathematician people)

-          You know your popular when your “coworkers” are using you as their facebook status

-          You know your going to get fired when your “coworkers” are using you as their facebook status

-          “You look very gay when you prance around the room after the Jets win and slap peoples hands…but its really cute” – what a male “coworker” said to me Tuesday morning. (To my credit, it was a big win)

-Conversation I had with a “coworker” on Facebook

Boy George: Accept me plz

Me: You wish.
Boy George: plzzzzzz

Me: No chance

Boy George: i swear i wont stalk you

Me: You already are.

Boy George: I was looking to see if u had a face book and it was true so I  hope u will be a good person and add me

Me: Go find (another coworkers name)

Boy George: eughhhhhhhh no way I very much dis like her because keern slaped me once so i hit him and scince she lllllllooooooooooovvvvvvvveeeeessss keern i get blamed for self defence

Me: Sounds like it was your fault. Your spelling and grammar are atrocious by the way,

Boy George: well if u havent notice on top of ur screen it says facebook.com

Me: Did you notice that the top of your screen it also says “spell check”?

Boy George: Rami says hi…..so….exept my friend request

Me: No

Boy George: Get an xbox then

Me: I think we’re done here.

Yup, these are my co-workers.

Random tangent section of the blog:

- My fantasy loss/Jets win streak continues….and if this truly is fate I couldn’t be happier. At this pace the Jets will have a first round bye and home field advantage through the playoffs, and Ill be gay prancing on a daily basis.

- I once played telephone when I was a kid. I was drinking milk at the time. I heard my whispered word, took a hardy gulp of my drink, and whispered the answer to my father….before I swallowed.

-          One of these days I am going to get hit by a car while I am on my bike. I can just sense it coming, yet I haven’t become anymore cautious though.

-          A lot of people have asked me what Halloween costume will be? Well, “That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.”

-           Poster I wished I owned as a youth

-         

 

- Poster I wish I owned as an adult (honestly, look at those kids!!!)

Lang’s Look alike of the week:

Tom Green                                              Kyle Orton

Artistic photo of the blog:

Aloha means goodbye

- Foxx

Can you smell what the blog is cooking?

 Finally...The Blog...has come back to (whatever city your in at the time)"

Can you smell it? Can you? Nothing is quite as sweet as a fresh blog hot out of the October oven; The rich buttery goodness just oozing with every new grammatical mistake and typo. With a new blog comes a new month, yes calendar months revolve around my blogs now, did you not know that? October, what a waste, I can’t believe that I have to wait 30 whole days for Christmas. And when I say Christmas I mean Halloween, my favorite holiday of the year. The only time of the year that I actually realize that Ricky’s isn’t a gay hair salon. This year we are blessed with 2 days of Halloween, the Saturday night (30th) and the Sunday Funday the following day. I can’t tell you how excited I am for going out all night, sleeping in my costume, brushing my teeth, and going right back out. I move out of my apartment on Monday the first, thus making it my FIRST ANNUAL 3 DAY HALLOWEEN. I may even start wearing it on Friday. Why? Cuz the Blog says so!

Ways to improve Halloween:
Make it a national holiday
Get rid of costume shops (imagine how much more creative people will become, also help to keep the lame people home)
Dudes start dressing slutty
Make it a 3 day holiday (if Hannukah gets 7 days why can’t Halloween get 3?)
Candy corn parade


Last minute Halloween costumes for the lazy: Remember you heard it here first.
Quarter pounder – walk around with a hammer and when people ask who you are put a quarter on a table and pound it (also an excuse to hit Mickey D’s on way home)
Cereal killer – take mini cereal boxes, plastic knives, and ketchup and adhere to your body.
Office space guy – you know, the guy on the cover of the movie that’s covered in Post it notes. All you need is dress attire and a thousand post it
Waiver form – white tee shirt, write waiver signature needed and have people sign you
Braylon Edwards – Fake beard, backwards visor, and tape bananas to your hands.


Athletes or Celebreties most likely to be mentioned in one of my blogs.
1) The Situation
2) Lebron James
3) Braylon Edwards
4) Rex Ryan
5) Daniel Stern (it’s coming)


Little update from the “Office”

Spirit Week.


Monday:  Color day. The only problem, spirit week became spirit week that morning, thus it was a failed day. Unless you count stained or dirty as a color.
Tuesday: Sports day. The most popular jersey? Plaxico Burress on the Gmen.
Wednesday:  Rock your “Office” gear. Nice attempt, but as the cool kids say on the net, epic fail.
Thursday: Crazy hat day. The only problem, hats are not allowed to be worn at work. Nothing screams setting the tone and rules quite like breaking them. Irrrrooonnnnnnyyyyy.
Friday: Dress GQ day. Ok, I have to admit that one was pretty cool. Totally popped my collar.

Conversation I had with a “co-worker” this week.
Me: You writing your “tps report” you have to make it realistic within your time period
Marty Mcfly: what do you mean?
Me: Well, if it takes place in the present if you want to get in touch with Cynthia you’re going to  call her on your cell, you’re not gonna beep her.
Mcfly: Beep her?
Me: You know, like hit her up on her beeper? Page her?
Mcfly: What’s a beeper?
Me: Well, it kinda like a …. It’s used for ummm. You know I am not really sure myself.

That’s how long it’s been, and I owned a beeper in high school….with chain attachment.

I took poll with my co-workers about Team Edward VS Team Edward. When I asked for a hand raise vote for your choice I expected a few “ladies” to shyly admit which team they were on but instead it went something like this:

Who loves Edward?   As expected a few shy hands were raised. Maybe I heard a he’s dreamy whispered.
Team Jacob? Eruption. All dudes. Hooting wildly like animals screaming for Taylor Lautner.  I had to pull the fire alarm just to make them stop, wait that was 8^th grade. When asked why, their response was “He has killer abs.”

Per Simmons, Yup, these are my “co-workers”

Random Tangent Section of the blog:

-          Chris bosh looks less like a velociraptor in a heat jersey

-          Favre getting “sexty” explains why he mailed in the last 5 games of his Jet career and caused us to miss the playoffs and have yet another collapse. Really Jenn Sterger, you couldn’t let him get in your Wranglers for 5 more weeks? He’s not Cromartie, your not going to have 4 kids because of it. 

      The true story: http://deadspin.com/5603701/brett-favre-once-sent-me-cock-shots-not-a-love-story

-          Remember when I said I am all in New Orleans, I still am, but my fantasy team isn’t. Those players were jettisoned off my team quicker than a Daniel Stern lead movie in theaters.

-          I loved Celtic Pride.

-          1-4 in Fantasy, 3-1 for the Jets. Can the streak continue? All of a sudden I love the Jets  chances against Minnesota tonight.
(edit: Yes, the streak continues. I hope I lose next week)

-          Staying on the football field. Awesome video regardless of if you’re a sports fan or not.

             http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-films-presents/09000d5d81aef57c/Dreaming-in-slow-motion

-          This asshole gets first question wrong on want to be a millonare. Did you get it right?             http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0hTmj3f4Zo&feature=player_embedded

-          Some history, done Facebook style

This weeks artistic picture for the blog:

(10/7/10 New York, New York)

Aloha means goodbye

-          Foxx

BloggerLang Part 2

Welcome back.

  3^rd quarter:

I don’t watch a lot of TV, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis. In today’s recession filled environment time is a premium, and nothing feels worse than spending a long day working (or faking lice) and coming home and watching horrible TV only to realize that you spent the only free part of your day on Jim Belushi and Jerry O’ Connell. I spent most of my TV time on movies, sports and a specific line up of satisfying 30 minute programs. So for the time hungry and the nomadic channel hunter in true fantasy analyst style I bring you the Must watch, Sleeper and Bust of TV programs for every night of the week.

Monday: Usually a night where people shake off their hangovers, get in their last fantasy and gambling addictions for the week and generally try and stay awake for all of MNF. There is however very watchable TV.

Must Watch: How I Met Your Mother.

The last sitcom to survive the laugh track is filled with a superb cast, great running jokes, and a story that revolves around the premise of the show. If your behind a few years don’t worry its been syndicated on Lifetime and the UPN. (Does UPN still exist? I doubt it, but its still channel 9)

Sleeper: Hawaii Five O
Hot girls, lots of action, great scenery, and Scott Caan. How could you go wrong? Admittedly I have only watched half an episode, but I was hooked. How does Caan get his hair to do that. CAAAAAANNNNN!

Bust: The Big Band Theory.

The more I watch this show the less I like it, I used to find it quirky and somewhat intelligent, now I find the main character pretentious and unfunny. I really tried to like the show too.

Emergency: Dancing With The Stars. It may take an hour and forty five minutes to see Sitch dance, but its worth it.  Jennifer Grey can cut a rug as well.

Tuesday: The weakest night of in-week programming

Must Watch: Glee
I don't watch it, but it has the Modern Family effect where everyone watches it and loves it and subsequently you feel compelled to as well. I enjoy the music videos more than the show itself, but NPH had a cameo so they got that going for them.
Sleeper: 30 for 30. Sports fans and non sports fans alike there is plenty to enjoy in these 1 hour documentaries made my various and most acclaimed directors. ESPN really went above and beyond for this one.

Bust: Running Wilde
Nobody loves Will Arnett more than me, but this show stinks. Filled with sitcom jokes set up for a laugh track that isn't there. I expected great things, then again I also drafted Kevin Kolb.
Great Movie night choice: MacGruber

Wednesday: 2^nd weakest night of in-week programming

Must Watch: Modern Family

Everyone else loves it, so why shouldn’t you? A piece of me hurts though thinking about how it really should be Arrested Development there. My only issue with MF is that it does get a little too lovey dovey in their lessons at times; they fall into the How I Met Your Mother trap of weak dialogue at the end of shows in moral overkiller.

Sleeper: The Middle
Very cute show, and very much in the Scrubs mode of comedy. They even got the janitor to play the father. Its your typical 3 child family in the middle of America that has a lot of Malcolm in the Middle in it but with smarter jokes.

Bust: Undercovers
A married pair of spies return to the world of espionage, this time as partners. Tell me where you have heard this before? Maybe with Brangelina in it? Looks to me like desperation TV, your better off reading a book. (Lonesome Dove anyone?)

Good movie night choice: Macgruber (What? It’s an amazingly hilarious movie, and totally worth back to back viewings. Might be a good idea to eat a “sandwich” first though)

Thursday: Strongest TV night of the week, with lots of choices I am here to make sure you choose the right one

Must Watch: Community
You probably thought I would go The Office here, but Community is the best show on TV. When people asked me last year what the best show on TV was, I didn't say Modern Family. The jokes are fast paced and the ensemble cast is hilarious, plus it has the guy from The Soup and Fletch in it. Rising stars across the board and is incredibly well written.

Sleeper: Stan Lee's Super humans
I don't think Always Sunny counts as a sleeper anymore, and although I would highly recommend it, its just too big for this category. Comic book legend Stan Lee essentially films 3 short documentaries capturing humans that can do comic character actions. Some super humans featured has been: Guy who can't be electrocuted, the human calculator, the human bee and the wolf man.

Bust: The League
As I have stated before this show really benefits from its time slot. It really should be the nuances, victories and defeats, and overall pratfalls of playing fantasy football and everything that happens by being in a hardcore league; However, its spends most of it time on the semi-interesting characters instead and their lives outside of the football world instead.
Super Bust: Shit My Dad says
Twitter handle based show starring Shatner. Nuff said.
DVR: Jersey Shore. Only way to enjoy Sitcho, Pauly D and the gang is by not allowing the commercials to get in the way. It’s Tee Shirt Time!!!

Friday: My least knowledgeable of  the week, because lets be honest, I’m awesome and awesome people go out on weekends. You know what, I am not even gonna try. You should be doing something more interesting than watching TV on a friday night

Saturday:  My second least knowledgeable night of the week, because again, I’m awesome. So again gonna skip it.

Sunday: It's mostly repeats so pick a good movie and get ready to brace the work week.

Must Watch: Sunday Night Football + Fox's animation domination
To be honest, I don't think either get to must watch status but combine the two and I think you will get enough to feel fulfilled, plus the channels are next to each other. Neither is a great option unless your have implications on the game, but you never know when the Simpsons or Family Guy will come up with something.

Sleeper: Boardwalk Empire
Haven't seen it, heard good things from everyone who has, I'll trust the masses.

Bust: watching a movie with commercials
Why do that to yourself? Honestly?

                                                          4^th quarter:


                                           Random tangent section of the blog

- I am all in on new Orleans. I have cousins who live there, half my fantasy roster invested, and even bought some real estate on Drew Brees' mole. Other than the Jets I'm rooting for the repeat, and Sean Payton’s eyes are dreamier than you expect.

- Every time my fantasy team has lost the Jets have won, Ill make that trade every single Sunday. Except on their bye, I’d like to finish the season 2-14.
 
- Situation survived Dancing With The Stars cuts last night. Michael Bolton’s bags of sand, I mean feet, took the loss and the boot. Not a big DWTS fan, never actually watched the show before this season, but if Jennifer Grey makes it to the finals and plays “I’ve had the time of my life” does it become an automatic win? It may be a bigger power move than doing the Star Spangled Banner or America the Beautiful on Idol.

-Speaking of Sitcho, the girl sitting behind me just tapped me on the shoulder and said “Why do you write about The Situation so much?” Shame on you for reading over my shoulder: Shame on me for using the Situation in every blog. It has been a Lebron free blog however.
 
 -My favorite Situation scene ever: (bonus: involves my favorite other 2 characters from JS)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zT9p1vnBjo

-Bears released OL Johan Asiata.
It's possible Asiata could return as a member of the team's practice squad. The Bears are looking for some more versatility from their backup linemen. NO! not Johan! It took the first 18 years of my life for a Johan to crack the MLB*, 22 years for Johan (Petro) to crack the NBA and I was hoping for Asiata to crack the record books and become a household name but I guess that dream will have wait. I didn’t include hockey because I am sure but some Johan Swede made it to primetime, but no one cares about hockey, including myself.

-Fun fact about Johan Santana, Ervin Santana’s name is actually Johan as well, but because he came into the MLB later (and sucks a whole lot more) he decided to go with his middle name instead. S

American Idol will not be on the air in 2013, you heard it here first. Don’t mess with Simon, and watch out for The X factor, the hit TV show of the upcoming winter. You heard it here first.

I’ve watched all 9 seasons of Idol, and I won’t be watching the 10^th.

I’ve watched Zero seasons of X-factor, and I will be watching my first.

“Work” pizza is delicious with Ketchup; Weird, but true.

My chances of being Macgruber for Halloween is up to 90%.

Semicolons are sexy. 

Artistic photo of the blog:

                                                        (New York, New York 9/27/10)

Help control the blog population by having your blogs spayed and neutered.

Aloha means goodbye.


- Foxx