Happy Blogday to me!

Frank Sintra once said “I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.” Well, On the morning of my 28^th birthday I felt horrific. In fact, I would go far as to say I took a gigantic step backwards even if my age clocked over one more year. My mind felt 24, but my body felt 34.Two showers and an early morning call from my mother I realized a few things that morning. First, you can’t fry Cheetoes. Second, apparently you can still eat Cheetoes out of a frying pan. Third, I would have to do laundry at some point that day, and lastly, I watch Macgruber way too much. In my life, much like my blog, I like to wing it, but lets be clear "there's a big difference between winging it and seeing what happens. Now let's see what happens.”

November 21 is a tough birthday to have, many of you probably know it as The Kid, Ken Griffey Jrs. bday, but for me it will always be the day that Tom Robinson was falsely accused of a crime he did not commit.

I can’t sufficiently recap my birthday celebration so I will list in order clues of what may or may not have happened, and you can fill in the blanks.

November 20, 2010 10:30 PM Eastern Standard Time

Champagne party

Chicken Bus

6 30s + 2 bottles of Stoli

My parents

A mini skirt

Derek Selby

A rocking horse

A drum + Maracas

40 cheeseburgers

A Marine

A Burger race (10 won it)

Hulk Hogan Impressions (with shirt rip + all)

Male Kiss

La Bamba

Accidental (or was it?) Boob grabs

Cody + Simon (with normal name screw up)

A homeless man

Vomit

A piano

Frying pan

Cheetoes

Macgruber

November 21, 2010 3:30 AM Eastern Standard Time

As awful as I felt when I woke up on my birthday however, I couldn’t have asked for a better sports birthday to brighten my day. The Jets pulled out a miracle 30-27 win in a room full of Giant fans that became jet fans for the day. You already won my heart Sanchize, and yesterday, I think you won theirs too. Heck, they were doing the Dougie! Everything went right, except for my ability to function in society,  in sports that day. Undefeated in every fantasy league, the best Jets victory I could ever ask for, and the most surprising of all of them, I  won money gambling. And I’m a guy who likes to play the ponies. Everything was going right, I was even given the last piece of stuffing at the mock-thanksgiving, and then in the heat of the moment I texted Jon Silva. You don’t have to know him to know other than these few facts:

Silva facts:

Great Kid

Rabid Jets fan

Even more rabid texter

I love Jon Silva as much as much the next guy, but 56 text messages later, a change of my text message plan, and learning about his dinner plans (He makes “fucking amazing meatballs by the way”) I can honestly say that this is as close as I will ever come to Sexting to my life….he even picture messaged me.  

Jon if you’re reading this: “Don’t stop texting, and never stop texting. That is what gives us hope, this is what keeps us alive.”

One last note about the bday, I set a personal record this birthday wishes this year on facebook. I am not sure if it’s the power facebook or the power of the blog but thank you all for giving me your 13 letters and a click.

Notes from the “Office”:

Its been a slow one recently, too many comedy goalies playing the field, but here is one tidbit that had me rolling.

After hearing the worst rap I have ever heard in my life from a “co-worker” this is the conversation I had with him.

Me: So you like rapping?

Snoop Dogg: Yeah man, I got that flow

Me: You do know that was quite possibly the biggest insult to the African American population since slavery There was no rhyme, flow, beat, rhythm, or melody. Nothing.

Snoop: Hey man, Its hard to rap with braces on

Me: Yeah, I don’t think that was the problem.  What do you rap about mostly?

Snoop: Percy Jackson, The Lightening Thief, duh.

Me: Please stop

A week later a video was created and if it didn’t get me fired it would be on this blog. All I can say is that the rap starts with “Percy Jackson…(pause to remember the words)…..cool guy…..(pause again)…..Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoooooaaaaa while using the spine of the book to create a beat. This goes on for a full seven minutes. It is quite possibly the worst form of music ever created, of course that didn’t stop me from dying and giving an A on his latest “worker” evaluation

This will be a Random Tangent Free blog….ok just one

I’ve seen some weird eating habits, vanilla ice cream with bbq chips, ketchup on nacho cheese Doritos, and Peanut butter and mayo sandwiches, but by far the weirdest I have ever seen was this. Green apple covered in…..wait for it….covered in…..salt. Not just a sprinkle either, a heavy dose of it. Needless to say I was intrigued….and now I am not. Don’t do it.

Artistic Picture of the blog

                                                (Central Park, NYC, 11/20/2010)

Next Foxx tackles Lousiana….FAST!

Aloha means goodbye.

-       Foxx

Hollyblog

When you write a blog as popular as mine naturally you expect to get invited to movie premieres. Picture this, a room of six hundred plus people in the Ziefild Theatre in New York on Tuesday. Gearing up for the new Russell Crowe Flick “ The Next Three Days”. Some of the most popular celebs in Hollywood filled the theatre in anticipation of the next great Paul Haggis* film. Great theatre by the way, absolutely stunning in both architectural creativity and lay out(Here’s looking at you Ted) as well as a deluxe screen single theater that has been fully operational since ’66. Sick.

List of celebs that were at the Ziegfeld premiere:

Olivia Wilde

Elizabeth Banks

Russel Crowe

Adrien Brody

Gerard Butler

Wu Tang Clan

Kim Catrell

Foxx Lang

One celeb was left off however, the one that the lights shined on the  brightest, yes your guess was correct, it was indeed MARK SANCHEZ. THE MARK SANCHEZ, again THE MARK SANCHEZ. Where did he choose to sit? one row away from me. You see, when you write a blog celebs flock to you, I had to AX the paparazzi just to get through the door. So here we are, the quarterback of the 5 and 2 New York Jets and the quarterback of a highly successful blog (see above) and a staff of 94. Seeing the same movie, by choice!!! Listen we both clearly had better things to do, he probably had to finish some work, cook dinner, and play with his cat for 4 hours. On the other hand I gave up a free meal at a 5 star restaurant with a few of my various models and a luxury charity event. Fates brought us this close, but alas, not close enough, although he did turn his head when I screamed “Sanchez!! All the way!!!” I never did get that kiss…I mean hug…I mean handshake, yeah handshake. Instead I shook the director Paul Haggis’ hand, which would have meant a lot more to me if it wasn’t before the movie and I thought it was Brian Grazer. That didn’t stop me from telling everyone at work “Who wants to touch the hand that touched the hand that may have touched Mark Sanchez’s hand?” Side note: This unwashed hand killed it at work today.

Note to self: Never travel without a camera again

I must mention that this about the movie. It was awesome! I mean really awesome, and I had no expectation and didn’t even know what I was getting myself into. Crowe is amazing, the cast is superb and deep, the direction and pace is near flawless. It is not a perfect movie, but my hat is off to you Mr. Haggis. Even with the girl next to me spending the entire time on her blackberry I was still fully encapsulated. I also recommend that you go into it without knowing anything about it, it is one of those movies that rewards you for not reading the review. With that said, maybe I am not the most reliable source as you can see from the graph below.

Percentage of time spent watching the movie: 3%

Percentage of time spent watching Mark Sanchez: 97%

Percentage of time Mark Sanchez spent watching the movie 97%

Percentage of time Mark Sanchez spent checking out hot girls: 2%

Percentage of time Mark Sanchez spent checking out me: 1% (please, I beg of you, just go with it)

The Next Three Days, great movie, I really recommend seeing it in a theater too. Between this and The Town it isn’t close, it is so far superior, and people love that movie.

*Per IMDB: Paul Haggis is the award-winning filmmaker who, in 2006, became the first screenwriter to write two Best Film Oscar winners back-to-back - "Million Dollar Baby" (2004) directed by Clint Eastwood, and "Crash" (2005) which he himself directed.

So I know these two guys, known them for many years, have hung out with them for many years, even lived near each other growing up, good guys. However, for some reason, I can’t seem to tell them apart, even though they look nothing alike (so people say). Well, on Halloween it finally hit a breaking point, and I found myself writing this email a few days later.

Dear Cody and Simon,
               I think you are both very cool, and I like hanging out with you, with that said I can't get your names right for the life of me. I blame myself. I don't know why this is, but I just screw it up every single freaking time. So before you give up on me for life I want to apologize and promise you that in future whatever name I'm gonna say I'm just going to say the opposite and hope for the best. I'm better than that, and I know it. Don’t give up on me! And Forward to Simon…unless you are him, then do the opposite. Don't worry guys, senor Lang is on the case!
 
                                                                                                      - Foxx

And the response:

Foxx,
 
You never mess up my name. I think its cause you call us both Cody.  One more chance
 
Simon

We’ve never been closer.

-   Cody

My sister has started sending me daily quizzes. I am 0 for 2.                                               _____________________________________________________________________________

Notes from the “Office”:

Not much this week, but a “co-worker” of mine has recently begun reading To Kill a Mockingbird for the first time and here is what he wrote to me the other day.

Tkmb is a very weird book. It is challenging for the mind. Also I thought it was about a real bird and how to kill it. Needless to say, I was have made no progress killing birds.

Yup, these are my co-workers.                                                                                                    _____________________________________________________________________________

Random Tangent Section of the blog:

-   Don’t ask me how I stumbled on this but I found a website that is essentially a message board for athletes multiple girlfriends. Al Harrington has like 7 girlfriends, maybe that’s why they call him BUCKETS.

      http://www.talk-sports.net/

-    Nets center Johan Petro is averaging a mere 0.8 points and 2.2 rebounds this season. New Jersey inexplicably gave the veteran a three-year, $10 million contract in July. Way to play to your contract Johan! Keep the name proud.

-   Became a coach the other night. Joined a dynasty, actually I don’t even know what our team name is now that I think about it, but I do know that I am getting paid $250 bucks and have to cut 30 into 18. Yikes. Maybe that’s why Andy Reid is so fat…he has all that cash!!!

-   IM really happy to have Nelly back. That song is gonna be my wedding song…but maybe I should listen to the lyrics a little more closely and not just the sick chorus.

-   I still listen to country grammar….and admit it, you do too

 
- “ I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
    Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
    Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
    So I travel back, down that road.
    Who she come back? No one knows.
    I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream”

I don’t know what Nelly was thinking about, but I know that I was thinking about POW POW Powerwheels. Never got a chance to have one when I was a kid, but really really wished I did, for once, I’m gonna dream small.

Artistic Picture of the Blog:

Aloha Means Goodbye:

-   Foxx