Welcome back to Foxx’s Korner, a blog fueled by tiger blood and sharks teeth. We are devoted to providing entertainment to masses through defeating warlocks, death from above, and you know what “I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.” Charlie Sheen and I have a lot in common though. We both want to sue to NBC, Charlie is already in process, and me for taking Undeclared off the air, also in a separate suit for Steve Carrel’s final season in the Office. We both get hangovers so bad that it feel like our eye lashes make blinking a workout. We both hate Jon Cryer. We both believe that Rickie Vaughn never reached his true potential and most importantly, “We both are battle-tested bayonets, bro.” We both have parts of us that are Dennis Hopper, and most importantly the only thing that we are addicted to right now is winning, duh. I’ve been feeling pretty run down recently, and easily the most tired I have felt in a long time, not just physically but also mentally. Not so much emotionally though, my cats and I have never been closer. Part of it is definitely because I have overworked myself to the point of exhaustion yet I don’t go to sleep early. Besides having a full time job, I am also taking two classes, building a website, planning a wedding, attempting to exercise regularly, writing, and trying to keep the many women in my life happy. I am running on fumes, So, I think I am instead of the usual nonsense I am instead going to focus this blog on something that always makes me happy and always helps me relax.
Weed. Seriously though, I am really talking about movies, which are more cathartic to me than both this blog and admitting that can’t handle the day to day duties of my own life. Hell, I just finished watching The Edge because I read about the movie industry and it included a small section about Baldwin/Hopkinds half psychological half bear attack flick that was not only a commercial disaster, but also from a production stand point as well. So for the duration of this blog I am going to devote its contents to one of my true loves, film. _______________________________________________________________________
If you know me, then you know that I love movies. I mean, I really love movies, I’ve even seen Meet the Feebles (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097858/) which was strangely directed by Peter Jackson, but also has a five minute sing-a-long about sodomy. I can’t tell you how many movies I have watched that I wished I had those 2 hours back, yet I keep coming back for more. Like a bad ex girlfriend you just can’t let go of, I am contiuously go come back for more. The worst part, my expectations are always low, so why will I get excited to be disappointed by Grown Ups? How do I know this, because this is the first 10 movies that popped in my head when thinking of unwatchable movies that I watched every minute of.Prince of PersiaStuck on youShallow HalThe Golden CompassEddieThe House BunnyDeath RaceClub (and Judge) DreddMajor league 3: Back to the minorsDukes of HazzardIts only the beginning too,the list could go on and on, yet I never learn from my mistake. What? They are making a sequel to SWAT, im in. Steve Zahn was cast in the lead of a post apocalyptic sci fi humans vs aliens set in mars, When are we going? Anything with Cusack in a Rom-com, where do I sign up. Rambo 6? Oh wait, they already made that, its called The Expendables. I love them all. I read the reviews every Friday, go online for the teaser trailers, and spend more time on top of my netflix que then I do my girlfriend. Is Kesha’s love is her drug, mine is the inability to say no to a bad movie. Oh, I can’t wait to see the King’s speech, and I am sure that Winters Bone will be fantastic, but those will have to wait until Wall Street 2 is finished. Every movie tells a tale though, and I don’t mean the plot, I can pinpoint every flick I have ever seen and how or where it affected me, and I think that is why I love them so much. If I have seen the movie, and it was bad, I can tell you where I was when I saw it and/or the ramifications that happened because of it.Examples:Godzilla – Horrible movie, but Jeff Morehouse and I defied the space time continuum by running 4 miles in less than 13 minutes to make it to the previews.Shallow Hal – thought it was a drama not a comedy, but I successfully snuck in and walked out of it.Hoodlum – A Tim Roth classic, also got punched in the head for talking through the movie (totally learned my lesson) and it is still the most memorable moment from it.Indiana Jones 4 – again, miserable movie, but I won the claw machine 4 times in a row before I walked in.Dude where is my Car – Snuck in and drank so many beers just to get through the movie that we were chased out and into the parking lot by the only other audience member for throwing beers at the screen.The worse the movie was, the better the tale._______________________________________________________________________Remember the movie Junior with Arnold Schwarzenegger? Man,that brings me back to the good old days, paying seven dollars and fifty cents for a movie and staying for two. Those were the days of cinema gold, well except for the movie Junior. For those not familiar, Junior was essentially about injecting a male with enough estrogen and altering his DNA in order to have the first male pregnancy. In '88 Arnold Schwarzenegger made Twins with Danny DeVito and we loved it; next came Kindergarten Cop, and it was good; then Junior came out, the one where he's pregnant, and he stopped making comedies….well until Jingle All the Way. What put the nail in that coffin? He doesn't get to shoot anybody or beat them up but instead Arnold gets to play a pregnant man.
I can just picture how the film came to life:Young Aspiring Writer: I have this great script for a thriller involving the manipulation of DNA and estrogen levels that give the possibilities of male pregnancy.Film Exec 1 + 2: We’re listeningYoung Aspiring Writer: It will push the limits of scientific possibilities using human commentary and scientific folly as the catalyst to show how emotional attachment to the little embryo and its risks consume its carrier. It will be a sci fi psychological thriller with the twist of the uncertainty of what will happen at birth.Film exec 1: you know what, I love it!Film exec 2: Me 2! I just have one suggestion.Writer: OkFilm Exec 2: Lets find a big time actor to play the part.Film Exec 1: yes, I know the perfect guy.Execs in Unison: Arnold Writer: Um, well.Film Exec 1: This actually feels more like a comedyFilm Exec 2: Sure does, but we still need someone to counter the straight manFilm Execs in unison: Danny Devito!!!Film Exec 1: Throw Arnie in a wig, and a bunch of one liners and we have comedy gold guys.Film Exec 2: Esp. after he gives birth to a daughter and they raise her together!Writer: This is sounds a lot like Twins 2.Film Execs in Unison: Your fired.And this is what came out:
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Movie themed Random tangent section of the blog:
-Either a new high or low for Sly Stallone, I cant decide which.
- Matt Salinger is most famous for playing Captain America in the 1990 movie aptly titled, "Captain America." He is only slightly less famous for being J.D. Salinger's son. It's hard to believe that a father and son could be responsible for some of the greatest art of their respective generations.
- If you have never seen Airborne, it is a must see for those do not know it is one of those perfect mid ninties predictable teen slosh fests where the hair is perfectly groomed and the dialogue is as corny as it gets. Regardless, I loved it (Matt Carona, Me, Uncle Stewie, went to UA MOVIELAND, thought it was a surfing movie) and has every conceivable cliché a 90’s teen movie could straight down to the big race at the end down the devils spout and of course the credits kiss as well as being lifted on the shoulders of a cheering crowd.
- If anybody from Hollywood
- The Dark Knight is the first Batman film not to have “Batman” in the title.
- 78% of all musicians-turned-actors are rappers, and of those, 58% are black, and only two are any good.
- Jean Claude Van-Damme, ladies and gentlemen, speaks FIVE LANGUAGES.
- Jim Carrey was Tupac Shakur’s favorite actor. While in prison, Carrey would write letters to Tupac to help him smile and laugh.
Artistic photo of the blog:
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