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BloggerLang,  take my hand,

BloggerLang, you got me rockin and a reading BloggerLang

My best song parody: nope

My best work: not even close

Funny: not really

Catchy and now stuck in your head: absolutely.

4 quarters ladies and gentleman, 4 quarters, that’s all I am asking for from you today. We covered baseball last week, this time instead of 9 excruciating innings of written diarrhea, I’m only asking for four this time around....new overtime rules apply. 

We are gonna make this a 2 Parter though. Part one

1^st Quarter: “Office” updates

I can’t say work has been all that enjoyable of late, I have 14 new “employees” that were outsourced to my work station, it’s a disaster. It’s like Gus and Call trying to herd horses in dark on the boarder of Mexico without the Vaqueros finding them….or maybe I’ve read “Lonesome Dove” a few too many times.  Well done Larry McMurty.

Of course that doesn’t prevent me from including the ridiculousness that spreads like lice. Speaking of lice, it has spread all over the office. Since I am immature and need stuff to write about I took 5 sugar packets to the dome and went to nurse, because he has intelligence of Simple Jack; He found nothing wrong, how thats possible with a head full of sugar is beyond  me. However, seeing that I actually don’t have lice his diagnosis was correct, thus refuting my previous point about his ability as a nurse and leaving me with egg on my face, which was actually 5 packets of sweet and low in my hair. Maybe he pranked me? As if I couldn’t waste anymore time at work, this prank led to 13 minutes in the girls bathroom getting my locks flowing again. (What? They have the best mirror! And I’m vain) After a heavy dose of gel I was ready to take my company picture, but because I had spent half of day tracking down sugar packets only to subsequently spent the other half washing my hair out, I missed the photographers window by the small margin of just five and half hours. So I photoshopped a picture of Chad Pennington onto my body….classy.

                                                                                                              

A “temp” walked in library breaking every rule possible today. He was wearing a hat, listening to his I-pod, carrying a skateboard, pants below the butt, a cut-shirt, and I think he may have even been drinking a 40. Instead of reprimanding him I demanded to see him do a kick flip.

If you know me, then you know I am an extremely slow walker. I do not walk at a NY pace, more like a Boca Raton, Florida pace. While strolling down a random corridor I listened as a colleague asked her “temps” who liked peanut butter and Jelly? Then when only a few raised their hands she responded with “I can’t hear you” and put her hand to her ear. It was like watching The Rock pump out a crowd back during my WWF heyday.  “Do you like PB + J! Well!!! Do you! I can’t hear you!!! ” Amidst all of the hysterics only a few temps left there seats, but I think I saw a “Jelly 3:16” sign.

Yup, these are my co-workers.

                                                             2^nd quarter

Pull from the archive,  This is my all-cartoon team. I think they could hold their own
against any other collection of cartoon characters. I've tried to stay away from superheroes because they would just be too easy, but a few forced their way into the team with some off-the-chart combine
numbers...



QB: Fred (from Scooby-Doo) natural leader, Captain, and dare is say
another homosexual controvery?

RB: CatDog (the agility of a cat and the loyalty of a dog –
difficult to tackle and will never ask for a trade)

FB: Thomas the Tank Engine (blocks like well a…… train)

WR: Shaggy (just look at those freakishly long arms)

WR: Al Toon (sorry, couldn't resist it, and he used to be jet)

LT: Peter Griffin (bookend tackles)

OG: Fred Flintstone ( quickest feet in the game today)

C: Comic Book Guy (Worst. Swim move. Ever)

OG: Eric Cartman ( great low center of gravity)

RT: Chris Griffin

TE: Puff the Magic Dragon (someone on this team needs to be busted for subtance abuse other than Popeye)

DE: Bruce the Shark (from Finding Nemo, only available for wet
weather games though)

DT: Bluto

DT: Shrek

DE: The Hulk ( only plays on third downs and because of him the team
now has to wear purple)

D line depth is a bit of a problem

OLB: Popeye (after spinach, naturally)

MLB: Bender ( sideline to sideline kinda of guy, needs to be paid in
alchohol, cigars and given the right to steal from anybody in the
locker room)

LB: Simba ( hakuna matada what a wonderful phrase, Simba at
linebacker aint no passing craze)

CB: Road Runner ( also a KR/PR)

CB: Speedy Gonzalez (just don't ask him to come up in run support)

SS: Tazmanian Devil (great interviews after games, and is a living
replica of troy polamalu)

FS: Jerry (from tom and jerry, Very fast, again not great in the
run, but very elusive)

Were a bit small back there, but we have speed


K: Charlie Brown (if he ever actually connects, that ball is going a
mile)
P: Ned Flanders (he looks like a punter)

Head Coach: Bugs Bunny (Franchise needs a face and a quotable voice)

Offensive Coordinator: Elroy Jetson ( young coaching staff,
brilliant minds)

Defensive Coordintor : Stewie Griffin ( wants to kill mother, could
be a great defensive mind)

No.1 Fan: Homer Simpson (too brain dead to do anything else, too
popular to leave off)

Cheerleaders: Arielle, Jasmine, Nala, Pocahontas

Referee: Mr Magoo

Owner: Mr Burns ('I've had one of my trademark changes of heart...
we're moving to Los Angeles'.)


Q: Who beats this team?
A: Absolutely no one.
There you have it, a team built on my ability to remain immature at
the tender age of 27. Now if you dont mind, doug is on tv and i need
my daily dose of quail man.

       --------------------------- HALFTIME-------------------

Go to next post for part 2.