Well, back to work, and nothing says welcome back quite like an angry mob. Not being one to madden an already rambunctious mob I joined in. Thanks to a very warm room and free meal though the crowd was largely sedated and ready to accept our fate. Which was this, we have to work 12.5 percent more than we did last year (yes I did the math) as well as accept more responsibility for no recognition. Sweet deal. I'm totally in it for the money anyway. (Disclaimer: Not True) Only a few things can ruin my day: A Jets loss, being told I have to do more work, and swedish meatballs. Swedish meatballs, that seems rather arbitrary. Arbitrary you say? Hardly.
I think I smell a flashback......flashback......flackback.
Swedish meatballs brings me back to a time when life was a simple and carefree. When I spent my days playing sports and gazing at clouds in order to talk to girls. Good Old Camp Sloane, where the campers sleep in tents and show each other their wee wees. Yup, both these things happened. The same place where Jeff Morehouse broke his arm climbing and subsequnetly falling off a tent, and a kid was nicknamed Scruffy for not showering for a month, yet not reprimanded. Luckily though instead of looking at boners I spent the majority of my time playing sports and taking cloud gazing classes. How else was I supposed to invite a girl to a square dance? 5 years I spent at Sloane, 3 times took the sport of cloud gazing, 2 clouds actually gazed, 1 girl spoken too. I like those ratios, regular Warren G in my youth. During each month that I spent there those five summers (well not "every" summer) I was always leery of swedish meatball day. It loomed over me like the name Mickey Loomis. I couldn't escape it, because I wanted them so bad.
For some reason I just felt like I loved swedish meatballs. I've always loved meatballs, so I figured a Swedish twist would fit me perfectly. It didn't, I lost my first 3 rounds vs the meatballs, all in successive years. The first gave me a 3 day stomach ache, which I neglected to report. The second time they were
so gross I didn't even eat enough of them to get sick, I chalked it up to them being cold though. The 3rd time I ate them it was raining, and I threw up ten minutes after dinner on the outdoor stairs, but because of circumstances previously mentioned I convinced myself it was weather related. By year 4 I knew I didn't like Swedish meatballs, hated them actually, but I didn't want to lose to a meatball. More than I wanted
Jessica Hedbauvney during the hour of cloud gazing I wanted to conquer this meal.
I didn't.
4 years, 4 successive losses to the swedes. The last one being the
worst of all as it put me in the infirmary for an entire day.. Remember when Michael and Budnick tricked Ug into letting them spend the entire day in the infirmary and they broke open the fridge and eat all the ice cream they wanted. Man that was a great episode, they must have had the best day ever. It was kinda like that...but the exact opposite. I had to wear one of those horrible plastic white smocks and spent the entire time staring out the window because the TV didn't work. Which suprisingly didnt magically start working when I covered myself with tin foil and hopped around for reception. Nope, instead, I was in a pasty pink room with the ugliest picture of a sailboat, not sailing but tied to a dock, made from one of those yarn stenciled pictures. Naturally the only window in my room faced the sports fields, and watched my friends have fun. I missed my date of destiny because I wasn't allowed to go to square dancing with Flip that evening, and I never did conquer that meatball. Damn. Whoa! We got a little off track there. Well,
that was not awesome to relive, and I won't be attending a certain day in the cafeteria.
A little more about the past two days in the office then back to SYS. My room has never looked more vibrant, I am not sure why this is but my assumption is more generic English posters and I that can open my shades now. Did you know that the sun shines during the business day? Neither did I! I better close them.
First conversation of the year with a "colleague" I will be referring to as Marlon Wayans
Me: What's up Marlon welcome to ____________ you look like a basketball player.
Marlon: That's stereotyping man!
Me; So it is.....you nice?
Marlon: Yeah I'm the shit.
Random Salute your shorts tangent:
- How smart was Sponge? He had the answer to every pickle they ever got
themselves into? He knew every answers during the radio call in contest, the answer
to the cursed skull, and even ran the camp newspaper. I bet he was smart in real
life.
- Why was Dr. Kahn always heard but never shown. This doesn't actually bother
me, what bothers me is why they didn't get a famous voice for it....like Rodney Dandgerfield. You couldn't get a past his prime Rodney to do a voice over? - Did you know that Donkeylips won the award for best young actor in a cable
series circa 1993. Shocking.
- Why did SYS only last 2 years when Hey! Dude a much more inferrior show last 3. Boggles my mind.
- Who wins in a SYS VS H!D fight?
Heres my theory:
Danny is Native American and a pacifist so he goes and gets the cops.
You figure UG cancels out Ted cuz he is a sissy and UG is the only adult left.
Mr. Ernest is just an extension of UG only older, clumsier and even more naive. The boss of the ranch (famous for falling in horse trophs) you figure gets outsmarted by Sponge. Then Donkey lips sits on him.
Michael and Buddy (Mr. E's son) also cancel out as there frames and ages are similar.
All the girls just watch, mostly because I can't remember who they are in Hey Dude. Although one, Melody I believe, is played by Christine Taylor (Silent fist pump for call).
All the girls except for Brad, what?!?!?!?! Yes, Brad is a woman, and looked like Zena the Warrior princess. This leaves us with the final showdown of Budnick, the youth rebel who claims to have survived Juvie vs the lead horse trainer of the Bar None Ranch who has tamed many a stallion in her day.
I'm torn. Gun to my head though I think I go Brad.
- I put a kids boxers up the flag pole in Camp Sloane a few times. Not that fun.
- Ronnie Pinskey replaced Michael for season 2 for a largely unexplained reason. Then he on to star in a band called Rilo Kiley with the girl from the Wizard. Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy WOODS!!!
- How did they not combine the tale of Zeke the Plumber with an Are you afraid
of the dark Episode?
Random Hey! Dude tangent coming in 3....2.....1.......
No! I'm better than that.
A few last thoughts:
I have a very vivid memory, imagination and can remember every detail of anything irrelevant.
How far away are we from calling situations "Sorrentinos"? Not very in my very highly esteemed opinion. "Ooo man did you see what happened with Cameron? Dude is in a sticky Sorrentino"
Ive known about this website for a while now but it keeps getting better so I am going to keep pimping it.
http://www.27bslash6.com/ Missing Missy is by far my favorite.
Thank you Revis, Thank you Revis, Thank you Revis!
My artisitic picture of the blog:
Heusden, Holland (Picture taken July 9th, 2010)
Shana tova Jews
- Foxx
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